224: Robert Earnshaw, Derby County, Merlin’s F.A. Premier League Official Sticker Collection 2007

Emlyn Shepherdson-Jones heads to the green green grass of home for a post on a talented Welsh forward with an enviable record in front of goal. We also get a look into the bizarre world of non-licensed pseudonyms in football video games and it’s time to say thanks to EA Sports for their choice for this post’s subject. Yes they could have gone full Konami and renamed the Wales players something like Daffodil019 but instead they got creative and allowed Emlyn and I to make numerous references to WWE giant The Big Show instead. Over to my esteemed colleague with a big bad show tonight y’all.

The EA Sports tournament cash grab tie-in, Euro 2000, is a game that has been mentioned once or twice before on this blog – filling hours of evenings in our uni house and also the evening before Manny's wedding. As beloved as the game was to us, the follow-up brought out for the 2008 European Championships was far from spurned – the advance in technology allowing you to use the analog stick on the controller to dink penalties over the 'keeper/never score a single penalty but maintain the strategy regardless.

I naturally picked Wales to tackle the campaign mode, seeking to rewrite the qualifying campaign for the tournament. In reality, despite creditable draws against strong teams from Germany and the then Czech Republic, after conceding five at home to Slovakia, and a 3-1 loss to Cyprus, Wales failed to qualify - despite hanging on for a gutsy 2-1 win against a San Marino side that had shipped thirteen goals to Germany just a few months prior. EA Sports had clearly decided the licenses for the Wales team were not worth investing in, and as such, the in-game squad featured 'notables' such as Colin Belmont, Jeremy Kouslas, Warren Hensman, and also a pacey striker named Roderick Earlshow.

Born in Zambia under his actual name, Robert Earnshaw was one of five children born to Rita, a professional footballer and later boxer, and his English father David, who was manager of a gold mine. Football clearly ran in the family, with his uncle and two cousins also joining his mother in playing professionally. The family moved around Africa, with Earnshaw Sr. taking a role managing a coal mine in Malawi, however he sadly contracted typhoid and died in 1990. Rita decided to move the family in order to be closer to her sister, and Earnshaw was once again on the move, moving to Bedwas, a town in South East Wales. This must have been hugely tough for the recently bereaved family, with the children having to pick up the language from a limited base, however football provided a respite, and the young Earnshaw was picked up by local youth side GE Wales, netting eighty goals in one single season.

Scouts for local side Cardiff City, as well as from Manchester United, were quick to take note, and it wasn't long before the Bluebirds swooped to pick up the free-scoring striker. He debuted at 16, and despite a slow start that saw him attend trials with English sides at the time, he was loaned to Greenock Morton to prove himself. Two goals in four games saw him recalled by new manager Billy Ayre and he managed to net a goal in the five games he played in the late season.

With Cardiff having been relegated to the fourth tier, Earnshaw was given an extended run in the first team, scoring 25 goals. His forward flip celebration also endeared him to fans, and over four seasons he became a club legend, scoring over a hundred goals as Cardiff rose again to the second tier. It's probably a sign of age, but I'm pretty sure goal celebrations are fairly boring these days – someone being cold isn't anywhere near as good as a triple somersault, the robot or Earnshaw's front flip then shimmy/mince towards the crowd. As Cardiff rose through the league pyramid, Earnshaw managed to net hat-tricks in the fourth, third and second tiers, as well as in the FA Cup and the League Cup. He also made his debut for Wales, scoring the only goal of a friendly win over Germany, in which he was also named man of the match. He then marked his tenth cap with yet another hat-trick, delighting the local Cardiff fans as Wales thrashed Scotland 4-0. Despite comments from Cardiff owner Sam Hammam that he would be hanged in the city centre if he were to sell him, an offer of over £3m from Premier League West Bromwich Albion proved too good to turn down for both player and club.

It was during his spell at West Brom that Earnshaw was able to complete an amazing record by scoring a hat-trick in the top tier to complete his record of all four top tiers, FA and League Cups and international level – an amazing feat that is still yet to be matched. Eleven goals in his first season also suggested he was well at home at the top level, however, just 18 months later, Earnshaw moved on to Norwich City after falling out with coach Bryan Robson. He spent a further 18 months in the second tier before returning to the Premier League as Derby County broke their transfer record to bring him to the side, as they geared up for their return to the top table after four seasons.

Unfortunately, this season remains (to date, though Southampton are giving it a real go this year) the worst points total in a Premier League season by any club – even the attempt to rescue the season by signing 33-year old Robbie Savage didn't work out. To Earnshaw's credit, he was only a small part of the absolute shitshow of a season, starting only seven games, but goals were hard to come by and by the time he netted his first in April, Derby had already been relegated. He didn't play in the last game of the season, which I had to check because my only real memory of the game remains Reading's 4-0 win being insufficient to keep us up because Danny Murphy and his stupid bald head ruined it for everyone.

With Derby cutting costs, Earnshaw moved on to the other great fan love affair of his career, joining Nottingham Forest in the Championship. Key goals over three seasons and the continuing exuberance after scoring saw him again become a fan favourite, and although Forest were unable to gain promotion, he remains fondly remembered there. Unable to agree a contract, he returned to Cardiff for a brief season-long reunion, before a nomadic period that saw him play in Israel, Canada, a brief return to the UK with a single game for Blackpool, and the USA, before a final year in Canada before taking up a coaching job.

Earnshaw has had a quiet retirement, with coaching roles the other side of the pond followed up by a short spell coaching at an academy in Nottingham, and some punditry work. His son, Silvia Mexes is currently in the youth setup at the team Earnshaw supported as a boy, Manchester United, and he is now listed as a part of the coaching setup with Orange County SC in California.

My main memories of Earnshaw are the hat-trick for Wales and his attendant celebration of barking into the pitch-side microphone, and for my recall of him always seeming to score against Reading. On checking the stats, he only actually netted four against us, but they all appear to have happened at games I was attending. Nonetheless, his hat-trick record may never be replicated, and he was a key part of the transition of the Wales side from national embarrassment to Euros gate crashers. Roderick Earlshow might have smashed in the goals on the PS2, but Robert Earnshaw was pretty bloody great as well.