352: Temuri Ketsbaia, Newcastle United, Merlin’s F.A. Premier League 2000, Millennium Edition Sticker Collection

Today Richard Allinson takes a look back at some of the beautiful game’s finest expressions of post-goal excitement. There are plenty of options he could have chosen for this post but, in light of Cristiano Ronaldo’s aversion to Coca Cola’s product placement in the recent European Championships, his choice of a Georgian striker who clearly had a bone to pick with Adidas is suitably fitting. Over to Rich.

In the shadow of Bukayo Saka whipping his shirt off to celebrate over hitting a cross/to take off his Under Armour, it is time for us to take a look at the (not so humble) goal celebration.  Now, I have to admit that I am a big fan of the 1930s handshake and trot back to the halfway line. Strong, understated, gentlemanly. But then I’m also a fan of Paul Gascoigne having Lucozade spaffed in his face to commemorate getting twatted in Hong Kong. It was about as far from being strong, understated and gentlemanly as you can get, but it was bloody brilliant. In fact, the only goal celebration I’m really not a fan of is players not celebrating out of “respect” for their old employer. Personally, I find it a pointless and hollow gesture that somehow simultaneously disrespects both the player’s current and old clubs. But that is just me. 

There is probably scope in these 500 words to bang on about the sociological meaning behind the goal celebration, but I’m more interested in Alan Shearer bunging one arm in the air and running than I am in sociology. Much like everything in football, goal celebrations in the nineties were better than they are today, Shearer’s iconic pose being just one good example. Another classic from the era is Jürgen Klinsmann’s dive, or “doing a Klinsmann” as it is now known. I like this celebration for two reasons: 1) it showed a great degree of self-deprecating humour from Jürgen to play up to his reputation as being a diving sod; and 2) it always provides a moment of humour when a non-league side fresh out of a regional Senior Cup victory all line up to “do a Klinsmann” in celebration and the slightly portly reserve goalkeeper bellyflops and face plants the pitch. Absolute gold every time. 

Another favourite of mine from the nineties was Eric Cantona’s imperiously arrogant “surveying Old Trafford taking in how amazing I am/trying to pick out which fan to kick” celebration against Sunderland after he lobbed Whitesnake rhythm guitarist/Sunderland goalkeeper Lionel Perez. There is also Robbie Fowler’s “I was definitely pretending to eat the grass and not pretending to snort cocaine” celebration against Everton in 1999. Fowler later went on to say “I knew what I was doing. I didn’t care. It was a chance to wind them up after all the abuse they’d given me!” Whatever he was doing, it is an iconic moment of the decade. 

Honourable mentions from the nineties also have to go to Roger Milla’s corner flag dance from Italia ‘90; Lee Sharpe’s “Sharpey Shuffle” which is effectively an elaborate adaptation of Milla’s effort with additional groin thrust; and there can be no forgetting the time Newcastle United’s Temuri Ketsbaia lost his nut and absolutely leathered the f*** out of an advertising board for no apparent reason whatsoever. All exceptional efforts in their own right. 

In fairness to the 2000s/2010s, there were some pretty excellent efforts then too. Obviously Peter Crouch’s robot is right up there; Emile Heskey’s weird DJ mixing thing that he adapted for a while was pretty good; and whilst only a one off, Emmanuel Adebayor running the full length of the pitch just to annoy some Arsenal fans will never not be funny. This was also the era that saw the real emergence of the celebration that involved an entire team that seemed to include more choreography than a group dance on Strictly. These celebrations were only ever wheeled out by rubbish teams obviously, the classic being Hull City’s Jimmy Bullard mimicking his permatanned bean of a manger Phil Brown’s bizarre decision to do his half-time team talk on the pitch against Manchester City almost twelve months previously. Funny celebration, bad football team. 

Moving into the current era, well, I don’t watch televised football anymore due to complete apathy so I have no real idea what is going on. However, I was watching Peter Crouch’s Year Late Euros recently when Crouch asked Jordan Henderson what celebration he would do if he scored against Germany. His answer? “Ah well, I’d probably just shout and swear a lot.” And actually, that might just be the best celebration of the lot.