139: Sergio Ramos, Spain, FIFA World Cup Russia 2018, Panini Official Licensed Sticker Album

Bastards hold a special place in our history. From William the Conqueror to Eva Peron via every senior officer in the Napoleonic Wars according to Sean Bean’s portrayal of Sharpe, they have shaped the world around them and held a strange mystique owing to their supposedly scandalous parentage. Their mysterious backgrounds have provided dramatic devices for several writers. After all, how would Game of Thrones work without Jon Snow? And yes, I do know he’s not actually technically a bastard and if that’s a spoiler for you then you probably don’t actually care anyway. Whilst the term bastard has been an insult for millennia there are some who truly own the moniker which brings us to today’s subject, a man dubbed by some as ‘The Bastard’s Bastard’, Sergio Ramos.

Ramos boasts one of the most impressive CVs in world football: five La Liga titles, four Champions Leagues, two European Championships and one World Cup not to mention a whole host of other club trophies. He is the most capped Spanish player of all time and, from a land of gifted goalscorers, sits in tenth place in his nation’s all-time list. Despite being rated as one of the best defenders of his generation his goalscoring prowess has seen him net over 100 goals from centre-half due to his precision from the penalty spot, bordering on Matt Le Tissier levels of competence, and threat in the air. Such achievements should see him held on the pedestals reserved for the likes of his contemporaries Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi and Rory Delap.

Yet Sergio Ramos is not universally acclaimed and, in some parts of the world, is widely despised. Perhaps this is where some of the other records should be addressed: the most carded player in La Liga history with 170 yellows and 20 reds, the most carded player in Champions League history with 40 yellows and 4 reds not to mention Spain’s most carded player with 24 yellows. If you have had the pleasure, or displeasure depending on your persuasion, of seeing Ramos play you won’t be surprised by this questionable disciplinary record. Never one to shy away from a tackle or get under an opponent’s skin, ‘The Bastard’s Bastard’ earns his sobriquet from his uncompromising approach to the art of defending and his willingness to bend the rules of the beautiful game. He’s not averse from getting his opponents into trouble either with some off the ball provocation and theatrical diving.

Perhaps the most famous example of Ramos’ famed skulduggery came in the 2018 Champions League final against Liverpool. 22 minutes into European club football’s showpiece event the Spanish centre-half showed the kind of respect for Egyptian kings last seen when Moses freed the Israelites when he hauled Mohamed Salah to the ground injuring the Reds’ star player. For a change Ramos did not receive a card from the match referee and was seen sharing a joke with the assistant referee as Salah limped from the field. Seemingly not content with removing Liverpool’s most potent attacking threat from the game, Ramos collided with opposition keeper Loris Karius in the early stages of the second half. Apparently concussed by the incident the German keeper made two catastrophic errors and Ramos’ Real Madrid walked away with yet another Champions League title.

Ramos had not only made enemies in the red half of Merseyside but had also incensed Egyptian football fans who had witnessed their star player suffer an injury just weeks before the start of the 2018 edition of the World Cup in Russia. One lawyer filed a €1bn lawsuit against the centre-half for ruining the North African nation’s chances in the tournament which was both fanciful and slightly insulting to Salah’s international team-mates. An online petition to persuade UEFA and FIFA to punish Ramos for his actions and his “tricks that defy the spirit of the game and fair play” gained over 500,000 signatures but was about as likely to succeed as anti-corruption proceedings against either organisation. For what it’s worth both men played, and underperformed, in the tournament as Egypt exited in the group stage and Spain were dumped out by the hosts following an insipid showing in the second round.

To be fair Sergio Ramos did little to endear himself to the public during this whole debacle. Cameras were quick to focus on him ‘comforting’ Salah with a patronising pat on the cheek and, when faced with the British press after the final, responded to their accusations of violence with “bloody hell, they have given this a lot of attention…I am only missing Roberto Firmino saying he got a cold because a drop of my sweat landed on him.” In the post-Covid world maybe Firmino would have had a point. It was hardly a surprise when Eric Dier introduced himself to Ramos during Spain’s Nations League clash with England with an early reducer that Razor Ruddock would be proud of that Twitter celebrated. Well, most of it.

I don’t wish to reopen old wounds but I feel that Sergio Ramos may not deserve the levels of hatred he has become accustomed to. In a not too distant era, hard-hitting centre-halves were revered as much as they were reviled and didn’t have to endure the myriad layers of scrutiny from multiple camera angles and social media. Let’s face it, like Steve Bruce and Andre Bikey, you wouldn’t complain if Ramos was performing his dastardly deeds for your team, especially if that came with the stratospheric levels of success he has brought to Real Madrid and Spain. ‘The Bastard’s Bastard’ – we salute you.