429-430: Matt Le Tissier, Southampton, Merlin’s Premier League 97 Official Sticker Collection

“They’re all good goals Brian.” I think this might have been one the phrases I heard most regularly during my childhood; in part due to the fact that supporting Palace in the 90s meant that goals were something of a rarity but mainly down to fact that when my Dad gets hold of a saying he likes he drops it at any available opportunity. When I asked him where this particular line came from he sent me an obscure Monty Python clip about post-match interviews and the perils of getting footballers to say anything interesting. I would say “all credit to the Dads” at this point but at no point in the Python clip does anyone say anything about them all being good goals. So thanks for that one Mr Hawks.

Anyway, back to goals. Some players only seem to score amazing goals. One such player was Matt Le Tissier. A quick YouTube of his greatest hits reveal the former Southampton man’s three main approaches to getting on the scoresheet. The first: the long-range missile into the top corner. The second: the slalom around defenders and goalkeeper before tucking the ball away. And finally, the third: a bizarre combination of all of the elements mentioned above. I genuinely don’t believe any of his 161 goals for the Saints were tap-ins. Ok, maybe the 47 penalties.

Whilst it’s no surprise that Le Tissier was singled out for this double sticker in the 1996/97 Merlin album, what is slightly odd is his presentation as an ‘International Player’. Le Tissier was born in Guernsey but opted to represent England. However, despite his immense skill, and penchant for exceptional goals, Matt Le Tissier only represented England on eight occasions between 1994 and 1997. His international career was not without incident, as he featured in the 1995 friendly with the Republic of Ireland which was abandoned due to rioting by England ‘fans’ after only 27 minutes, but when he was substituted in the second half of England’s World Cup qualifying defeat to Italy in February 1997 it was to be the last time he would earn full international honours.

Le Tissier’s truncated England career is one of the mysteries of 1990s football. His Herculean efforts for the club he spent the entirety of his professional career with were instrumental in keeping Southampton in the Premier League and he regularly recorded double figures of goals from his attacking midfield position. He was the first midfielder, and only the sixth player overall, to score a century of Premier League goals. His goal every other game ratio in the 1997/98 season led to his appearance in an England B international against Russia at QPR’s Loftus Road ahead of the World Cup in France. Le Tissier scored a hat-trick and yet still missed out on a place in Glenn Hoddle’s final squad. While David Batty booting Tunisia’s Imed Ben Younes in the face with an attempted bicycle kick was funny I somehow doubt Le Tissier would have missed his penalty against Argentina. Unless Mark Crossley happened to change nationality of course.

How does Le Tissier feel about all this? A quick Google search reveals an amusing back and forth between the Southampton legend and the much-maligned Carlton Palmer who, for the record, earned ten more England caps. Palmer was quickly on the defensive about some of Le Tissier’s perceived criticism of him during the latter’s role as a Sky Sports pundit questioning why Le Tissier hadn’t tested himself at a bigger club suggesting that this might explain his lack of international honours. Le Tissier didn’t take the bait about the England insinuations but did describe Palmer as “the only footballer I knew who could control a ball further than he could kick it”. Ouch.

Perhaps this particular sticker has raised more questions than answers. Should Matt Le Tissier have played more for England? Definitely. Is this sticker a little bit hyperbolic? Yes. Does any of this really matter? Of course not. What we do know is that ‘Le God’ was an incredible footballer who lit up the Premier League in the 1990s. And they were all good goals Brian.