395: Andre Bikey, Cameroun, FIFA World Cup 2010 South Africa Official Licensed Sticker Album

Emlyn Jones is at the helm for today’s post on a man who had as much respect for his opponents’ testicles as Tony Yeboah had for crossbars. I can confirm that everything Emlyn says about his birthday is true, including the being chucked in the sea bit. It’s worth adding that none of his valuables were damaged as he had unwittingly handed his watch over so that one of our mates could “get a watch tan”. And that’s not even the most ridiculous thing in this post. Over to Emlyn.

 

André Stéphane Bikey-Amougou – Reading hero, imposing colossus, occasional mental bastard. Perhaps best summed up by the phrase ‘sent off’ appearing eight times in his (fairly short) Wikipedia article. On a cheerier note, there are also two appearances of the phrase ‘triple somersault’.

Bikey’s early career saw him feature for various Spanish and Portuguese sides, establishing himself at Aves. Not for the last time, he was sent off in his final game before moving to Russia. Sadly, the treatment of black players by Russian crowds was, and remains, horrendous, and the racism suffered by Bikey was sufficient to require him to carry a gun with him around Moscow. He was allowed to leave in 2006 as “he just doesn’t fit into our team” – take from that what you will.

 

Reading offered Bikey a trial on their pre-season tour of Sweden. Despite head-butting a player in the final game, boss Steve Coppell was convinced enough to sign him on an initial season-long loan ahead of Reading’s first Premier League campaign. His 15 appearances earned him a permanent move, and the hulking sight of Bikey roaming between defence and midfield became a fixture over the following seasons. Physically imposing, forwards can’t have enjoyed lining up against him – for a time, my desktop background was a leaping Bikey hefting his shin firmly up and into Peter Crouch’s bollocks as Lucas Leiva looked on impressed.

 

Unfortunately, even genital attacks couldn’t help Reading avoid relegation to the Championship on the final day of the 2007/08 season. Attempting to bounce back the following year, Reading were in with a shout for automatic promotion up until their final game. However, a 2-1 home loss to Birmingham City condemned them to the playoffs. The first leg took place on the day before my birthday and I watched the game in a pub in Exeter as part of a weekend of celebratory heavy drinking. Unfortunately, said pub served buy one get one free pints, so my memories of the game are pretty hazy. I also lost my SIM card and was thrown into the sea over the weekend.

 

Although Reading had numerous chances late in the game they went 1-0 down. Having conceded the penalty that led to the goal, a frustrated Bikey stamped on Robbie Blake, and was rapidly shown a red card. Putting it mildly, Bikey then went fucking mental, tearing his shirt off and hurling it to the ground before stamping around in rage. The resulting suspension ruled Bikey out of the second leg, and a 2-0 loss ended Reading’s hopes for promotion, resulting in Coppell’s resignation. It also marked the end of Bikey’s time in Berkshire. Impressed by his efforts in helping them reach the playoff final, Burnley boss Owen Coyle paid a fee of £2.8million to bring him to Lancashire, where he remained for three seasons.

 

Bikey also played 25 games for Cameroon, most notably the 2008 African Cup of Nations semi-final. For reasons known only to himself, though he suggested it was retaliatory, Bikey charged at a Ghanaian medic and shoved him to the floor, in a manner much more convincing than Paolo Di Canio’s fey nudge on Paul Alcock some years prior. He was unsurprisingly banned for the final, a loss to Egypt.

 

The later years of his career were somewhat nomadic, taking in Bristol City, Middlesbrough, Panetolikos in Greece, Charlton Athletic, Port Vale, and four clubs in the Indian Super League, including reunions with Coppell at Jamshedpur and subsequently ATK. He has since been without a club, but perhaps the post-Covid world will see a few more stretcher-bearer assaults and bollock kickings. I certainly hope so.