367: Warren Barton, Newcastle United, Merlin’s Premier League 98 Official Sticker Collection

Richard Allinson brings us so much more than a blog post on a solid Premier League right back today. Depending on your take on this you are about to experience either the greatest song writing achievement since our attempts to rhyme Tom Huddlestone with something or high quality primary evidence of the impact of a year of lockdowns. Over to Rich. Make sure you’ve got your lighter ready.


Shearer you're all that I want; 

‘Cos I want to play five up top; 

I really would love it; 

If you joined us...


Oh, thinking about your Southampton days; 

You were a foil for Le Tissier; 

You scored goals home and away; 

Oh, then you moved on to Blackburn; 

And you formed the SAS; 

All the f***ing best: 

Funded by Uncle Jack's war chest...


SHEARER YOU'RE ALL THAT I WANT; 

UP FRONT AT ST JAMES’ PARK; 

DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE DEFENCE; 

WE’VE GOT BARTON...


AND WARREN IS ALL THAT WE NEED; 

WHEN STEVE WATSON BOMBS UP TOP; 

HISLOP WON'T BE EXPOSED; 

WE'VE GOT BARTON... (WE'VE GOT BARTON)


Oh thinking about the title race; 

They had to go to the Riverside; 

I lost the plot live on Sky; 

Oh f*** off David May...


SHEARER YOU'RE ALL THAT I WANT; 

UP FRONT AT ST JAMES’ PARK; 

DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE DEFENCE; 

WE’VE GOT BARTON...


AND WARREN IS ALL THAT WE NEED; 

WHEN STEVE WATSON BOMBS UP TOP; 

HISLOP WON'T BE EXPOSED; 

WE'VE GOT BARTON... (WE'VE GOT BARTON)


And then our dreams are coming true; 

Because of Phillipe Albert's lob; 

But then Kev binned off the manager's job...


AND WARREN IS ALL THAT WE NEED; 

WHEN STEVE WATSON BOMBS UP TOP; 

HISLOP WON'T BE EXPOSED; 

WE'VE GOT BARTON;

WAAAAARRRRRREEEEEN; 

BAAAAAARRRRRTOOON;

WE’VE GOT BARTON.

Writing for this blog has uncovered a lot of things about a lot of footballers that I previously knew nothing about, the most surprising of which was that Kevin Keegan tempted Alan Shearer into a move to Newcastle United whilst the pair watched a Bryan Adams gig. Me sharing this news with A Sticker’s Worth 500 Words founder Manny led us to deciding that King Kev must have eased Big Al’s doubts about his tactical nous by reassuring him that the defence was solid enough because they had Warren Barton at the back. This then led to a twenty minute back and forth of us rehashing the lyrics to Heaven by Bryan Adams, albeit using the DJ Sammy version as our template. We’ve been in bands together for over ten years now and I know I speak on behalf of both of us when I say that we’re prouder of the above than any of our actual musical output. 

The Kevin Keegan years at Newcastle United were glorious (or more accurately, a glorious failure) and it was impossible not to be entranced by the way they played the game. Jürgen Klopp once described his Liverpool side’s style as “heavy metal football”. No offence to everyone’s favourite teeth whitened German, but they are mere Canadian soft rock in comparison to King Kev’s Magpies side from the nineties. The fact that he had Peter Beardsley, Alan Shearer, Les Ferdinand, Faustino Asprilla, David Ginola, Keith Gillespie and Paul Kitson all at his disposal in the 1996/97 season is just fantastic. On reflection, trying to line up with most of these in the starting eleven wasn’t necessarily the best idea, but I do think that it is a little bit unfair that he comes under so much fire for neglecting his defence. On paper, Shaka Hislop, Warren Barton, John Beresford, Steve Howey and Philippe Albert should have been good enough to hold it together for the season. Especially when you consider that they were shielded by the imperious David Batty and Rob Lee. It also seems that they randomly had a twenty-year-old Olof Mellberg on trial at the time too, but ultimately Keegan didn’t sign him. Maybe tickets to Jimmy Nail at the Metro Arena had sold out, meaning Kev couldn’t work his music/transfer magic again. Who knows?

The years Warren Barton spent in the North East are probably what he is best known for (in addition to his excellently floppy fringe) but overall in his career, he played 450 games for six clubs in the space of 16 years and earned three England caps. Since retiring, he has carved out a career as a coach in the USA and I for one hope that he has adopted Kevin Keegan’s approach in his style of play. And if Warren ever wants a song written about the transfer pursuit of a new striker, I know some bored blokes in their thirties who will happily oblige. 

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