A Sticker's Worth 500 Words

The Euro 2024 knockout stages are upon us and we’ve been served a veritable feast of football so far in Germany. Scotland once again suffered a group stage exit while Austria topped a tricky group after securing a famous win over the Netherlands to prove that maybe Ralf Rangnick wasn’t the problem at Manchester United after all.  The last remnants of Belgium’s ‘Golden Generation’ snuck through Group E while debutants Georgia pulled off the shock of the group stage with a 2-0 win over Portugal which Cristiano Ronaldo was absolutely fine with. Gareth Southgate ’s England, meanwhile, have taken a unique approach to winning a group by boring their opponents, travelling fans and supporters at home into such a vegetative state that it makes you wonder if they are taking the game to strange new places rather than bringing it home. Football had no chance of coming home in 2008 as, due to a certain “wally with a brolly”, the Three Lions were not even heading on the plane to Austria and Switze

The European Championship is back in Germany for the first time since 1988 and if that tournament was anything to go by we might be in for a fun few weeks. Those present and watching along at home didn’t see a single red card and no game went beyond ninety minutes sparing all involved the ennui of extra-time. The Netherlands finally overcame their major final demons thanks to Ruud Gullit ’s header and Marco van Basten ’s iconic volley against the Soviet Union. Jack Charlton ’s Republic of Ireland reached their first international finals and earned a cathartic win over an England side who flew home following subsequent defeats to both finalists.  Gareth Southgate ’s men have a kinder group than Bobby Robson’s but they are also long overdue a humiliating exit with Serbia and Slovenia providing potential banana skins. Meanwhile the hosts are looking to go ahead of Spain as the competition’s most successful team with a fourth win and begin their campaign against Scotland tonight. Their l

Since October 2023 Joey Barton has had a fair amount of time on his hands. Never one to shy away from sharing his views the former Fleetwood Town and Bristol Rovers’ manager has followed in the footsteps of many a former footballer and launched a podcast which, in turn, has increased his already extensive use of Elon Musk’s social media experiment. Rather than leaning on the Nietzsche and Morrissey quotes that got him on Question Time back in 2014 Barton has gone down a more tried and tested route of dishing out controversial barbs at female pundits, Jeremy Vine and Gary Neville to name but a few. Having played a full twelve minutes of international football he also shared his views on the current crop of England stars. Particular vitriol was levelled at Kyle Walker for being “more arsed about looking like the rapper Drake than the great Bobby Moore” while midfielder Jude Bellingham was praised for his lack of earrings or leggings in training in comparison to his team mates “all wanti