281: Tom Huddlestone, Tottenham Hotspur, Topps Match Attax Trading Card Game, Barclays Premier League 2010/11 Collector Binder

Between 2007 and 2012 Fabio Capello did a lot with the England team. Compared to his predecessor, Steve McLaren, he was something of a success guiding the Three Lions through qualification for both the 2010 World Cup in South Africa and the 2012 European Championships in Poland and Ukraine. During these campaigns he encouraged the squad to end the club-based cliques that had blighted the so-called ‘Golden Generation’ and insisted on his selected players eating together without the distraction of mobile phones. On the other hand England were so dismal in the 2010 World Cup that it was almost a relief when Germany dominated them in their Round of 16 clash and put fans and players alike out of their misery. Mat and I watched that game in a Norwegian bar in Turkey and the German lads who were there didn’t even bother abusing us. The stall owners on the road down to the beach were not so forgiving although that might be down to the fact that Mat had opted to have Ledley King’s name printed on the back of his shirt.

 

Not content with slagging off David James in South Africa, Capello criticised his senior players for being “mentally weak” during qualification for Euro 2012. He then shocked the nation when he chose to step down from his role in February 2012 in protest at the FA’s decision to remove the England captaincy from John Terry. One might have praised Capello for his principled stand in the face of FA meddling until they remembered that Terry had lost the captaincy off the back of racially abusing Anton Ferdinand and, possibly, wearing an unforgivably badly fitted suit during his FA hearing. And yet this was not the worst thing that Capello did as England manager. Ahead of the 2010 World Cup rumours circulated that Capello himself had banned the release of an official song to inspire the boys to victory.

 

Whether this was true or not (and quite frankly who cares?) Capello’s resignation meant that not only would England be heading to Eastern Europe for Euro 2012 with a new manager but with the exciting prospect of the first official tournament song since the unforgettable 2006 summer anthem ‘World At Your Feet’ by Embrace. The likelihood of this song being a punchy number that would both win the hearts of the nation and inspire international football’s most consistent underachievers to tournament glory were bolstered by the widespread belief that wheeling, dealing man of the people, and scourge of HMRC, Harry Redknapp would be the man to lead England to victory.

For those of you were unaware, Rich and I have been in bands with each other for ten years and saw this as a golden opportunity to both inspire the nation and finally earn the critical acclaim we so sorely deserved. Rich quickly had some chords, a melody and some funny lyrics about unused squad players in place and, taking inspiration from the exceptional ‘World In Motion’ (and the less exceptional ‘Anfield Rap’) we decided on a John Barnesesque spoken word segment known affectionately as ‘The Redknapp Rap’.

 

Four middle-class white men in a post-hardcore band are obviously not the people who should be tasked with such a job but, tapping in to the theme of peripheral one-cap wonders, we had something in place. Depressingly I remain very proud of my contribution of the couplet “and even though he’s a little bit cumbersome, complete the midfield with big Tom Huddlestone”. After all it was under Redknapp’s guidance that he had forced his way into a talented Tottenham Hotspur side and earned four caps under Capello’s stewardship. Surely he would be on the plane to Poland and Ukraine?

 

Needless to say none of this happened. The FA opted to give Roy Hodgson the England job much to Redknapp’s chagrin and Huddlestone, understandably due to only making four appearances in the 2011/12 season, was not included in the England squad for the tournament. Without it’s centrepiece our band’s song was kicked to the curb and never made it out of the rehearsal room much to the relief of pretty much everyone ever. On the plus side Andy Carroll scored a beautiful header against Sweden. And even if he is a little bit cumbersome, fans of Derby County and Hull City have been able to enjoy the skills of big Tom Huddlestone.