176: Gary Neville, Manchester United, Panini Football Sticker Album, The Official PFA Collection, A-Z of ALL the Top Players from All the Top Teams in ‘97

Today Mat Jolin-Beech brings us the story of a Marmite player and pundit who it’s hard not to respect even if it’s easy not to like him. Back in his youth today’s subject scored a century for Greenmount Cricket Club alongside future Australian behemoth Matthew Hayden although the chat is his brother was the more promising stroke maker. He may not have released his own cookbook or led England’s women’s team to mediocrity but he definitely made his mark. Over to Mat.

Football is full of stereotypes. The tireless worker. The flamboyant continental player. The no nonsense defensive hardman. The pretty boy. And then there is the one that everyone but their own fans love to hate because of the pure shithousery.

The inspiration for this piece came from a YouTube wormhole. After going through various fan channels pulling apart the end of Solskjaer’s Manchester United reign, it ticked over to a video entitled epic shithousery. That in itself is pure gold for us here at A Sticker’s Worth 500 Words. But one moment in that epic ten minute long clip stood out. One Gary Neville.

You know the one. Manchester United score against Liverpool. All nine other United players bundle on top of Rio Ferdinand in bedlam for scoring the last minute winner. No better feeling for a Red Devil. Neville, in a move that endeared him to the hearts of all United fans and made him a permanent hate figure for those on the red half of Merseyside, ran to the Liverpool fans, screamed his little heart out and tugged at the Man United crest on his shirt. Shithousery at its near best. It is only bettered by Christian Fuchs for smashing a ball at Alexis Sanchez’s face from a throw in because the Chilean refused to step away. 

Now, Neville has always been a hated-by-many player. His love for United and no-nonsense style rubbed those away from Old Trafford up the wrong way. I won’t go into Neville’s appalling managerial stint at Valencia, or his ok but annoying stint as a pundit alongside the even more annoying Jamie Carragher with Sky Sports. Carragher is another one of those loved only by his own fans. But, full of more comedic own goals. Although talking of embarrassments, I will not mention Shaun Goater…

Neville, arguably, invented the modern fullback. Defensively sound and able to contribute to attacks. Chugging up and down the wing, he supported one David Beckham and had a decent cross on him. His latter years were not quite as outstanding as his earlier years. Injuries and the changing pace of the game left Neville a little lacking. 

His 600th appearance for United came against Stoke City, and he was fully embarrassed and shown up by Matthew Etherington. My memory, and a bit of Wikipedia research, showed that Neville got a 34th minute yellow card and then should have been sent off for another reckless tackle on big Matty E. Later that season, his final game cemented his retirement.

It was a game against West Bromwich Albion, and again he was off the pace. At half time, and where all good decisions are made, the house of the shitting - the toilet, he made his mind up that this would be his last professional appearance. The fact that in the decade since Neville retired, United have not really had a decent right back, is a sign of just how good he was. And how much of an utter arse he was to opposition fans.

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