430: Aleksandar Mitrovic, Serbia, FIFA World Cup Russia 2018, Panini Official Licensed Sticker Album

In case it had escaped your notice Richard Allinson is slightly older than the rest of us at A Sticker’s Worth 500 Words. With great age comes great wisdom and Rich is often my ‘go-to’ when Jose Mourinho is at it again or situations like when I came to the realisation that RB Leipzig had replaced the highly rated TImo Werner with Alexander Sorloth who famously struggled to pose a threat against a Grimsby Town side which had been reduced to ten men after five minutes. Then again at other times great age reminds people of the time they had an onion on their belt – which was the style at the time. Over to Rich for a look at a player reminiscent of a bygone era.

If I’m being honest, my interest in football peaked between 1988 and 1998. This period was bookended at the start by the first match I ever saw live (a Grimsby Town away trip to York City) and at the end by England’s brave, but very English exit from France 98. I still love Grimsby Town, the FA Cup and World Cup but after recently having had the misfortune of seeing about five minutes of a VAR infected Manchester United v Crystal Palace I fully gave up on the Premier League. 

The aforementioned fixture reaffirmed to me everything that I already perceived was wrong with the game today: it is somehow both clinical and shambolic at the same time and the players seem to largely stroll through the whole thing with a passive acceptance. If Roy Keane or Brian Clough had been involved at Old Trafford that day, the VAR monitors would have been smashed to smithereens and the ref would have been told to stick it up his bollocks. As irritating as all this is for me as someone way past his prime, the people I feel really sorry for are young lads. Just imagine, you are seven years old and stood in the school playground about to recreate David Platt’s overhead kick v Belgium or Gazza mugging off Scotland at Wembley and then out of the blue Nigel from the year below begins striding purposefully over to the nearest oak tree, finger in ear. Then, after three minutes of pointless dicking about, little Nigel dramatically turns around, waves his arms like an air traffic controller and rules that the goal never stood in the first place. Cue a load of kids trying to recreate Cantona’s Kung-Fu kick on young Nige.

This viewpoint might well be because I’m looking at this through 38 year old eyes and not as a kid. Who knows, given time the youngsters of today might end up writing a nostalgic blog about the time Matt Doherty put in a solid 7/10 performance away at Brighton and Hove Albion and reflecting that their era was an incredible time to be alive. However, having said all this, there is one top flight player that I am pinning my hopes on to bring a bit of romance and chaos back to the Premier League: Aleksandar Mitrović. Let’s face it, the guy is fantastic entertainment and a good player. So far he has knocked in 138 goals in 333 appearances in domestic football around Europe and a bonkers 35 in 57 at international level - these are top quality returns and he does it all with a determined, off kilter enthusiasm that is missing from the modern game. For example:

1. He volunteered to go in goal in a Champions League match. Any outfield player that does this is immediately propelled into immortality in my eyes. 

2. He took his shirt off and celebrated with a pitch invader after scoring in the Tyne-Wear derby. He got booked, obviously, but who cares? He scored a goal in a massive game - whipping your torso out should be mandatory. 

3. Whilst playing for Newcastle United against Tottenham Hotspur he scored a goal, set up a goal, smashed Kyle Walker, got sent off, and was suspended for four matches. Basically, he got his work for the day done and knocked off early before going on annual leave - we’ve all been there. 

4. He had a fight with a Fulham teammate during a session of the notoriously fractious past time of yoga. Namaste.

5. In an international match he tried a Panenka penalty kick in the same stadium that Antonìn Panenka invented the technique, but his tribute fell a bit flat when he missed. 

6. He had an argument with some of his Serbian teammates after they lost 4-1 to the Czech Republic in a European Championship qualifier and rather than hang around to fly back with them he chartered a private plane home.

7. He claimed, strangely, that he is equally influenced by Didier Drogba’s skills and Marco Materazzi’s tattoos. And seemingly Materazzi’s penchant for a headbutt, having being sent off for a bit of honest nutting whilst playing for Anderlecht. 

The modern football fan would probably balk at me celebrating such behaviour, but then again the modern football fan uses the word ‘baller’ without being deeply ashamed of themselves and thinks that the 2019/20 Liverpool team would beat the Manchester United side of 1998/99. Which they wouldn’t. I know Mitrović isn’t ever going to win the Ballon D’Or and I know that headbutting an opponent is neither big nor clever but what I do know for certain is that if I was a kid now, it would be Mitrović’s poster on my wall, not Paul bloody Pogba’s.