126: Ricardo Quaresma, Portugal, FIFA World Cup Russia 2018, Panini Official Licensed Sticker Album

This week Mat Jolin-Beech takes a look at the world of obscure football trivia through the medium of an exceptionally talented Portuguese winger with popstar good looks (no, not that one). Today’s subject turned out for some of Europe’s biggest clubs, scored some incredible goals and even overcame giant insects to help his nation to continental triumph. All of this pales in comparison, of course, to his place in the realms of useless information. Over to Mat with apologies to a former Middlesbrough fullback.

The game’s gone mad. Money has ruined football. Etc etc etc. The old, grumpy, and not very rich man in me all agree. Some of you may remember the first £1m player. Some the first £10m player. Most the first £100m sale. Even mangers agree that finances have had their impact on the game. One Jurgen Klopp, of seventh season syndrome, has suffered. The new money of the Saudi Pro League has hit his squad with club captain Jordan Henderson and Roberto Firmino among the now hoards to head east to pocket vast wads of that free flowing cash. [As an aside any time I hear, see or write the Saudi Pro League I just think of the many clips from 442oons on YouTube – worth a watch if you’ve got a few minutes to kill].

To finish my Klopp rant, he said that he’d retire, or that the day £100m transfers are in football he’s not in a job anymore. Fast forward seven years and his Liverpool have had a £111m bid for Moises Caicedo accepted although they lost out to a £115m deal from Chelsea. A British transfer record, which seems to be falling every week at the moment. Some say the £200m plus deal PSG paid for Neymar was the catalyst but then again I’m sure other record deals have been blamed for ruining football over the past century or so.

So what has this got to do with an early noughties Portuguese playmaker? Essentially nothing. But, at the same time, everything. Let me explain. The BBC Sport website loves the odd quiz. Especially a topical quiz they can link to current events – read big wads being exchanged. So today’s quiz was record transfer fees. But not, as Sporcle veterans may have been expecting, of the record transfer fees in price order. No, that would be far too easy and straightforward. No, this was an alphabetical transfer record quiz. An A-to-Z of player names that hold their letter’s heftiest price tag. Harry Kane for £86.4m. Neymar for the aforementioned £200m. Zinedine Zidane for £45.8m in 2001. You get the idea.

Surprises in there: Ashley Young being the Y record holder for his 2011 and £17m move from Aston Villa to Manchester United. However, the lowest price deal, and very much to the annoyance of Franck Queudrue I’m sure, was Ricardo Quaresma for a measly £15m. And we’re not talking about 90s prices, or even turn of the millennium deals either. This was the £15m Inter Milan gave Porto (along with Pele – obviously not that Pele) for the Portuguese and uniting him with one Jose Mourinho. Let’s just say it didn’t go well for him from then on despite him inheriting Luis Figo’s no.7 shirt.

His international career is also an odd one. Starting in 2004 as part of a potential golden generation for Portugal, including the likes of Nani, Ricardo and a lesser known Cristiano Ronaldo. It was that man he replaced, due to injury (and a moth, in that 2016 Euros final resulting in a 1-0 win for Ronaldo. I mean Portugal. The enigmatic and mercurial talent had competed his unorthodox journey to the top, and left us here at A Sticker’s Worth 500 Words with a vision of a player known as “the king of pointless tricks”. On top of that a moth didn’t make him cry, and he must annoy Franck Queudrue as Q’s most valuable footballer.