415: Titus Bramble, Wigan Athletic, Topps Match Attax Trading Card Game, 2009/10

Today Mat Jolin-Beech brings us a look at a stalwart centre-half who, perhaps unfairly, became a byword for defensive frailties. Over twelve years as a top-flight footballer suggests otherwise but why let that get in the way of a good story? After all, prior to THAT day in 1992, Ronny Rosenthal was regarded as a top quality striker. Over to Mat for more.

In case you didn’t know yet dear reader, I am a Manchester United fan. That means this year I became used to some comedy defending. Both Harry Maguire and Luke Shaw seem to have caught a case of the Pickfords insofar as they are good for England but hopeless for their club. So much so that both have probably been superseded in the starting XI by their understudies Telles and Lindelof. Some of the defending at times has been laughably bad with many basic errors. This got me thinking about who is the king of comedy defending. Enter one half of the infamous Toon Army Chuckle Brothers. One Titus Malachi Bramble.

Now, I know he never got a case of the Pickfords, as he never represented England at a senior level. He managed to acquire ten under-21 caps for the Three Lions but never made that leap into the senior setup. I’m sure his brother, Tes Bramble, wears his international cap just to show up his younger brother at family gatherings having won one for Montserrat.

But swiftly back to Titus. A debut at Ipswich Town and some impressive performances, including goals against Millwall, Coventry City, Sunderland and Torpedo Moscow, got the attention of Sir Bobby Robson, who was leading a renaissance at St James’s Park. £6m later and Bramble was a Newcastle United player and apparently vowed to make himself indispensable to his new manager.

The fact there is a YouTube highlights reel titled “Titus Bramble had a bad day – his greatest hits” says it all. As does the fact that, at the end of the 2003/04 Premier league season, Bramble was voted as the worst player of the year by readers of The Guardian’s football newsletter The Fiver.

I’m sure there are many, many more examples of Titus Shambles in action and his moves to Wigan Athletic, and then Sunderland, proved it wasn’t just a Newcastle thing. Bramble always had a rocket in his locker and you never knew when he’d score a spectacular own goal, or trip over his own feet, or mess up a back pass so badly it turned into the perfect through ball for a striker.

Behind all of that comedy façade, there must have been a decent player. £7m in transfer fees, winning Wigan’s player of the year and Players’ Player of the Year in 2009 show that the majority of his games were good. But these don’t grab the headlines or stay in the memory as much. What also didn’t grab the headlines was his return to the game in 2017, four years after last having a club, when he signed for Stowmarket Town in the Eastern Counties Football League. This move also saw Bramble begin his coaching career, which is still continuing as an academy coach back at Ipswich Town.

However, much like Emile Heskey, who became a figure of ridicule for failing to do his job the clangers and laughable mistakes overshadow what was good about their games. But, unlike many mid-level Premier League footballers and below, Bramble has achieved something. He has etched himself into the memories of football fans from outside of the clubs he played for. He has become immortal.