355: Matt Jarvis, Wolverhampton Wanderers, Topps Match Attax Trading Card Game, 2009/10

Today Mat Jolin-Beech delves into a world created by Sports Interactive to bring us a look at a man who achieved more on our author’s laptop than he did in reality. By the looks of things Mat didn’t need to resort to underhand tactics or building his team around the greatest Dutch player of all time to earn his success in the single greatest distraction ever developed but he would say that wouldn’t he? Over to the man himself to bask in his own glory.

Football Manager is not a game it is an addiction. One that leads to some questionable actions in the early hours of the morning. It is especially dangerous for students with more time than money to kill and this is where one my greatest ever achievements came. I can (almost) say: “Football Manager? Completed it mate.” So, lets wind the clocks back to pre-HD days. A time when MySpace was still a thing, and Facebook was still just for students. The iPhone was a new and exciting development, and Blockbuster was still hanging on in the high streets of the country.

My birthday present that year was Football Manager 2006. Ideal for a first-year student living in halls. Not ideal for a student wanting to get top grades on all of his pieces of coursework. But, as we all know, the first year at uni doesn’t count as long as you don’t fail it. (Not real advice kids. Study hard, stay in school).

The first few games I took on the Manchester United job, smashed it, and got the England job. The latter exposed a bug which meant Wayne Rooney was permanently banned. Either that, of he just didn’t like me and never wanted to play for my England team. Either way, I had Peter Crouch smashing in goals and setting records all over the place. But, tired of the endless glory, I wanted a challenge.

So I turned my attention towards home. Home, for those who care, is East Kent. And Kent is bereft of any footballing giants. Dover Athletic and Maidstone United (two of the bigger teams in the county) were too far down the footballing pyramid to even appear on the game. This left me with Gillingham. The mighty Gills. Much-loved chairman Paul Scally signed up this promising 19-year-old management genius. The fans were not happy and not expecting much. Ye of little faith.

Promotion in the first year took the Gills into the Championship. A couple of seasons building my squad saw another promotion to England’s top tier. A year battling relegation followed, before this Kentish club took to the continent and the Champions League. I can’t remember what happened in that season as it was probably curtailed by coursework. Or exams. Or beer. But I think we got through the group stages. This was great work for a small club, with a tiny budget, and a chairman who is Paul Scally.

I had to be shrewd. So, my default option was to scour the unsigned players. Those released by bigger clubs and who were just shit enough to take to peanuts in wages I could offer. I’d then Ralf Rangnick the shit out of it, coach them up to be world beaters and rise through the ranks of the English football pyramid. My team boasted the likes of Fabio and Rafael da Silva at full backs, Darron Gibson at the heart of my midfield, and Scott Sinclair leading the line.

However, the best player throughout my time was one Matt Jarvis. The pacy winger grew with the team and rose through the divisions before gracing the Champions League with some standout performances. Goals, assists and mazy dribbles all came to the fore. The real-life Matt Jarvis didn’t quite see such a meteoric rise but still went from League 1 up to the Premier League and, briefly, up to the international stage. Granted, playing for Wolverhampton Wanderers, West Ham United, Norwich City and getting one cap for twenty minutes against Ghana is not quite Champions League level, but he did alright for himself.

Away from the pitch, he seems like a nice guy, and has appeared on the cover of a gay lifestyle magazine to discuss homosexuality in football. While not the trailblazer for gay footballers that Thomas Hitzlsperger is he has still done his part. A stand up guy, and a stand up part of me (almost) completing Football Manager.