459: David Hirst, Southampton, Merlin’s Premier League 99 Official Sticker Album

We are in the hands of Emlyn Jones today who takes a look at the career of a Premier League hero and the unfortunate injury that ended his career. Emlyn has done a worrying amount of research for this post which suggests that maybe he should be signed up by a more popular or prestigious football blog. Luckily a lot of this research has nothing to do with the actual sticker displayed below so he’s probably where he belongs. Over to the man himself.  

 

Bizarre injuries have already been touched upon in this blog with Dave Beasant, who nearly chopped off a toe dropping a bottle of salad cream on it. The subject of today’s article was a victim of a pothole on Southampton’s training field, leading to a cruciate ligament injury that ultimately ended his career.

David Hirst was born in Barnsley in 1967 and, at the age of 18, turned professional with his hometown club. He only played a single season, notching up nine goals, however, Barnsley were forced into selling him by their unfortunate financial position. Almost as unfortunate as future Barnsley player Darren Barnard, injured when he slipped over in a puddle of his puppy’s pee.

 

Hirst moved on to Sheffield Wednesday, and became a firm fans’ favourite with his direct running and phenomenal timing. He also possessed a brutal shot, for a time holding the world record for hardest shot. Opposition goalkeepers risked injury from these, though not as much as Michael Stensgaard, the Danish goalie who suffered a shoulder injury putting up an ironing board.

 

One notable game for Wednesday came on New Year’s Day 1990. Boss Ron Atkinson had allowed each player a glass of champagne with breakfast, but Hirst managed to minesweep eight before taking the field. Remarkably, he managed to score an early goal. In fairness, champagne isn’t the most dangerous drink to have around – ask Kevin Kyle, who suffered harrowing sounding injuries when his 8-month old son kicked a jug of boiling water over his bollocks.

 

Having already scored, Hirst was soon required to take over in goal after an injury to Kevin Pressman. Impressively, he kept a clean sheet, despite a broken finger. Pressman’s injury showed the risks that goalies take on the pitch, although danger also exists off the pitch; David James managed to injure his shoulder landing a carp while fishing, and also strained his back reaching for the TV remote, while Kasey Keller once knocked out his two front teeth getting his golf clubs out of his car boot.

 

Despite injury problems that persisted after Hirst broke his ankle in 1992, Alex Ferguson reportedly tried to sign him on no fewer than six occasions, but was rebuffed and ending up buying some bloke called Eric Cantona instead. As tenuous as these links are getting, Manchester United goalkeeper Alex Stepney once dislocated his jaw shouting at his defenders.

 

Having run out of ways to shoehorn in references to bizarre injuries I’ll just list a few of my favourites: Richard Wright, injured while practising in the goalmouth prior to an Everton game when he fell over a ‘Do Not Practise in Goalmouth’ sign. David Batty, run over by his toddler on a tricycle. Brentford’s Chic Brodie having his kneecap demolished when a dog ran into him on the pitch. And strangest of all, Darius Vassell, who suffered a serious infection in his big toe…after trying to treat swelling in the same toe… by drilling into the nail with a power drill.

 

Hirst’s injuries were all far more unfortunate than the result of power-tool based idiocy, and sadly we’ll never know how many games he may have played for England if he’d stayed fit. He played three games, all friendlies under Graham Taylor, and it was only his injuries that stopped him replacing Gary Lineker in the England side. Hirst moved on to Southampton in 1997, but suffered the aforementioned pothole injury ahead of the 1998/99 season, and was eventually forced to retire. He’s still a cult hero to Wednesday fans though, and unlike Leroy Lita, never injured himself stretching after getting up. So at least he has that going for him.