135: Graeme Le Saux, Chelsea, Merlin’s Premier League 98 Official Sticker Collection

When Line of Duty returned to TV screens back in March social media (well Twitter at least) was awash with enthusiasm. I have to confess I’ve never seen the programme and was far more amused by the person who tweeted the trailer for The Fast Show’s forthcoming BBC drama Monkfish starring John Actor. The brilliance of Simon Day’s presentation of the tough, uncompromising inspector/vet/doctor/dead Scottish detective has meant that any new police procedural has been met with outbursts of “John Actor” or “Monkfish” by my entire family (and, it seems, my fellow blogger Emlyn Jones).

Another of Day’s sketches that has lived long in the memory in the Hawks household was as The Cardinal in The Fast Show’s take on every Guy Ritchie film ever made: ‘It’s A Right Royal Cockney Barrel of Monkeys’. As well as providing us all with an opportunity to say “You muppet! You mug! You nonce!” or to suggest that people “’ad ‘alf of Tower ‘amlets up their ‘ooter” it also brilliantly lampooned the late 90s trend for Premier League stars dipping their toes into the world of acting. While Eric Cantona appeared in ‘Elizabeth’ and Vinnie Jones debuted in Ritchie’s ‘Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels’ The Fast Show decided that Rhys Ifans and Owen Unconvincing would be joined in their East End gangster capers by none other than Graeme Le Saux.

Considering the comedy showcase’s excellent awareness of football culture there is little doubt that Jersey’s leading left-back’s name was picked entirely deliberately. Despite coming through the ranks at Chelsea, being a key part of Blackburn Rover’s title-winning side and going on to enjoy Cup Winners’ Cup glory back with the Blues, Le Saux was not your average Premier League footballer. Having sacrificed his Environmental Studies degree at Kingston University to pursue his sporting career he eschewed the typical playboy lifestyle of his peers by spending his spare time taking in museums, reading The Guardian and, one summer, going travelling with team mate Ken Monkou. Why the latter hasn’t been made into a BBC2 series is clearly down to the intransigence of 2021’s equivalent of Tony Hayers but sadly such pursuits meant that Le Saux was often on the end of abuse from his coaches, opponents and opposition fans.

During his early days at Chelsea Le Saux was targeted by coach Gwyn Williams who regularly called him a “poof”. Unfortunately Williams’ homophobia turned out to be one of his many unpleasant character traits. He was dismissed from his role at Leeds United in 2013 for sharing pornographic imagery with members of staff before being named as a ringleader of racist and physical abuse of young players during his role at Chelsea. Whilst these taunts did little to distract Le Saux from achieving great things with Blackburn and representing England 36 times, scoring an exceptional goal against Brazil in 1995 and starting every game of the Three Lions’ 1998 World Cup campaign, they resurfaced upon his return to Stamford Bridge. Particularly whenever Robbie Fowler was in town.

When Chelsea met Liverpool in February 1999 the Scouse striker spent much of the game theatrically bending over near Le Saux and pointing at his backside. Whilst Fowler’s puerile behaviour failed to stop Le Saux’s Chelsea side running out 2-1 winners it did, understandably, piss the left-back off. This wasn’t helped when referee Paul Durkin responded to his requests to speak to Fowler by brandishing a yellow card at Le Saux for timewasting. No stranger to a dust up (just ask David Batty) he managed to give Fowler a well-deserved clip round the ear that went unnoticed by Durkin and his team. The FA caught up with both players and handed down misconduct fines but did little to deter Fowler from milking the story in his autobiography. Graeme Le Saux made it clear to Fowler during the match that his wife and children were present in the stands. According to Fowler he reminded Le Saux that Elton John had also been married but the Chelsea man was quick to deny that this ever happened and once again questioned Fowler’s attitude for brushing aside his immature homophobia as banter.

Following his retirement in 2005 Le Saux eased into a punditry career and used his column in The Times to highlight the prevalence of homophobia in the beautiful game. He went as far as to say that he doubted any gay players would reveal their sexuality due to the lack of support he perceived they would receive from players and fans alike. When Thomas Hitzlsperger became the first high profile professional footballer since Justin Fashanu to come out in 2014 Le Saux’s article resurfaced and, as a sign of the changing times, led to many people on social media turning on Robbie Fowler for his actions towards his fellow England international back in the late 1990s. The former Liverpool man was quick to apologise.

It’s testament to Graeme Le Saux’s strength of character that he didn’t allow the inaccurate and idiotic abuse he endured throughout his career to stop him achieving as much as he did especially when you factor in the serious injuries that denied him a place in the England squads for Euro 96 and Euro 2000. It’s also impressive that he used his post-football media career to highlight and challenge attitudes that continue to blight the game. Perhaps a museum visiting, Guardian reading champion for social justice would be the last person you’d expect to turn up in an East London criminal gang. Then again it’s the quiet ones you have to keep an eye on. You slag!