373: Andreas Köpke, Deutschland, Panini World Cup France 98

The creation of the Premier League, for better or for worse, undoubtedly changed football forever. From Sky’s slick live coverage to the globalisation of squads, England’s top tier was transformed and the undeniable success of the project meant that everyone has wanted a piece of the lucrative markets that have sprung up in its wake. Before an era of sleeve sponsors, endlessly updated FIFA games and in play betting one of these markets was children’s toys. Some, like Pro Star Soccer (the magnetic cousin of Subbuteo), fell by the way side. Others carved out a place in the hearts of 90s football lovers that could only be filled with plastic figurines with disproportionately large heads. That’s right people, it’s a Corinthian figure retrospective.

With my Christmas money burning a hole in my pocket and a growing obsession with the beautiful game it was in the Penge branch of Woolworth’s (RIP) that I bought my first Corinthian figure. With Crystal Palace cruelly denied a place in the 1995/96 Premier League by a combination of ineptitude and competition restructuring I couldn’t get my hands on a miniature Simon Rodger or George Ndah and so I settled on Nottingham Forest’s Steve Stone. My Mum helped me reach my decision on the basis that “you don’t mind Forest and he’s got a similar haircut to your Dad”. The more I think about this the more I feel sorry for my old man.

Within a few months my collection had grown and with the help of some goals (an ice cream box cut in half – thanks Mum) and some Subbuteo balls I had a ludicrously complicated league and cup tournament in place. The looming spectre of Euro 96 provided me with a whole load of England figures and, like so many people, I was lured into believing it was “Coming Home”. My church even pushed my First Holy Communion service forward an hour so everyone could get home early enough to watch the Three Lions finally win a penalty shootout following a fairly uninspiring 0-0 draw with Spain. Then Gazza just slid past a ball across the six-yard box and Gareth Southgate reminded everyone how to take a proper English penalty against Germany. It didn’t come home. And it was all Andreas Köpke’s fault.

Two years on and my obsession with Corinthian figures was now at slightly disturbing levels. My long suffering Dad was even willing to drive me up to the NEC in Birmingham for the collectors’ convention as part of the Match of the Day Live event. As well as being able to get hold of a whole load of small plastic footballing heroes (including a limited edition Michael Owen) I was also able to wander round being excited by niche kits, memorabilia and big screens replaying great moments from football history. There was also an opportunity to have a go at being part of the Match of the Day team in their commentary sessions. Lord knows how but I was selected from the sea of hands to give it a try.

I found myself sat alongside Ray Stubbs and Mark Lawrenson. I managed to hide my disappointment at not meeting the housewives’ favourite Des Lynam and introduced myself. Lawro was on the snarky comments in a flash “what’s going on with that ponytail young man?” Clearly the former Liverpool man hadn’t been using his Saturday mornings wisely following the events in Serie A. Stubbs was straight to my defence to point out Lawro’s ‘tache and I was launched into Wembley on a balmy summer evening with Gareth Southgate stepping up to face Bodo Illgner’s heir apparent. I’ll be honest with you watching the VHS back even a year later was a complete cringe fest but by remembering Köpke’s name with the eyes of the nation/some mildly interested blokes in Birmingham on me I had impressed Stubbs and Lawro. I’m still glad Robin Friday shat in the latter’s kitbag though.

Match of the Day temporarily disappeared from television screens shortly afterwards with dashing Des and Andy Townsend’s Tactics Truck bringing Premier League football to the masses on a Saturday night instead via ‘The Premiership’. Corinthian figures branched out to football’s answer to the Kinder Surprise with PowerPods allowing a next generation to hold a hero in their hand or play football with the lads as they wished. The bubble burst for both enterprises a few years later but I’m pretty sure that most football fans of a certain vintage still have a box of 90s legends with oversized craniums knocking around somewhere. As for Andreas Köpke his career ended around the same time as Oliver Kahn rose to prominence but 620 club appearances (including two goals) and 59 caps for Germany with a World Cup Winners’ medal from 1990 and a European Championship gong from 1996 probably served as reasonable consolation.