302: Paul Scholes, Manchester United, Merlin’s Premier League 95 Sticker Collection

More from Mat Jolin-Beech who, rather like myself with Dirk Kuyt, is paying homage to a football gaming legend although, in this case, he was pretty bloody special in real life too. To translate for the wider world the phrase ‘doing a Munz’ is when you throw your controller down and storm out of a room and relates to an incident involving Mario Kart, an N64 and the blue shell that broke the camel’s back. Over to Mat.

Ok, ok, this is an expected blog. A Manchester United fan writing about Paul Scholes, waxing lyrical about just how amazing the Ginger Prince was; how he ran games; scored amazing goals (away to Bradford in 2000); or the fact he couldn’t tackle for toffee. As an anecdote, in 2000, my now wife and family were staying at the same hotel as the England team. And my mother-in-law saw a short, ginger member of the England entourage walking through with his label poking out. So naturally, she went up to him, tucked it in, and said: “There you go love”.


Anyway, this is not a Paul Scholes fangirl love letter. So, let me pose a question to you. What are the only two games to come with scratch and sniff discs? Anyone? Stop Googling it.

Answer number one. Gran Turismo 2. The Ultimate Driving Simulator on the PS One. Featuring more than 600 cars, many tracks, and many, many wasted hours of my life. The scratch and sniff aroma: a “real racing pit smell”. More commonly known as burnt rubber.

Answer number two. FIFA 2001. Another game on which many hours of my life were spent. And, incidentally, the last FIFA game I ever bought. After that upgrade to a PS2 and the first of the Pro Evolution series followed. Pro Evo 6, with Adriano on the cover and greats like Castolo and Burchet in the Master League.

Anyway, where was I? FIFA 2001. The scratch and sniff aroma: freshly cut grass.  Where does Paul Scholes fall into this? He appeared on the cover of the game in a nondescript, obviously not a 2000-era Umbro manufactured England shirt with the details and logos removed.

The FIFA series, up to this point, held a strong place in my heart, my (parents’) wallet, and in my games’ case. First up, FIFA 97. The highlight was the indoor, six-a-side mode. Why has this not been done again? Then there was FIFA: Road to World Cup 98. Essentially a reskinned version of FIFA 97, which still included the indoor game mode. But it allowed you to choose from any of the 172 accredited FIFA nations and attempt to reach France 98. Not play the World Cup if I remember correctly. Just qualify for it. That game also holds the accolade, if I really wish to call it that, for me ‘doing a Munz’ and rage quitting. To be fair, it wasn’t my fault.

As the Netherlands as part of a group of us kids playing a qualification campaign whilst parents were being boring downstairs, I was close to securing my place at France 98. But then, an interloper barged across me, forcing me to drop the controller and causing me to concede – costing me my place at the World Cup. THE World Cup. THE. WORLD. CUP. No longer was I a nine year old, but I was the entire Dutch Nation, heartbroken.  Cue me hitting pause. Scrolling down and exiting.

As a side note, FIFA 99 was great solely because you could dive. Then the story comes to FIFA 2001. I skipped 2000. I couldn’t afford it on my paper round wage. With it, United owned the league (common at the time – but sadly a too-distant  memory now). England won the World Cup. THE World Cup. And as United, Beckham pinged a corner out to a certain short ginger midfielder, who smashed a volley into the top corner.  As if that’d happen in real life…

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