A Sticker's Worth 500 Words

Two weeks from today the Scottish men’s national football team will line up to face the Czech Republic in their first tournament finals game since 1998. This time in the international wilderness has been at times heartbreaking and at others embarrassing for the Tartan Army so it is no understatement to say that, whatever the result, the clash with the Czechs will be both cathartic and exciting in equal measure. Especially when you factor in that UEFA’s inter-railing approach to the delayed Euro 2020 tournament means that the game will take place at Glasgow’s Hampden Park. Things weren’t always so bleak for Scotland when it came to qualifying for major tournaments. Between 1974 and 1998 they only missed out on one World Cup, in the USA in 1994, and, whilst they only managed to make it to the 1992 and 1996 European Championships, it is important to remember that the Euros only expanded beyond a four team tournament in 1980 and even then only expanded to sixteen teams in 1996. They were o...

Today Emlyn Jones takes a look at a man who, if Championship Manager had had its way, would have been the player to lead England to World Cup and European Championship glory on his way to a whole host of Ballon d’Or awards. Unfortunately the reality was rather more mundane but at least we get a look at some creative fan protests years before anyone decided a European Super League was a good idea. Over to Emlyn. There are plenty of examples of unfulfilled potential in football, whether through attitude, unwise career moves or sadly, injury. The players considered among the best in their youth teams are not always the most successful. Examples would be Jason Koumas , Freddy Adu, and various members of the 'Class of 92' . Darren Caskey started his career with Tottenham Hotspur, making his league debut in 1993 and captaining the England youth team to victory in the 1993 Under-18 European Championship. He was one of a long line of players to be touted as the new Glenn Hoddle, how...

When Line of Duty returned to TV screens back in March social media (well Twitter at least) was awash with enthusiasm. I have to confess I’ve never seen the programme and was far more amused by the person who tweeted the trailer for The Fast Show’s forthcoming BBC drama Monkfish starring John Actor. The brilliance of Simon Day’s presentation of the tough, uncompromising inspector/vet/doctor/dead Scottish detective has meant that any new police procedural has been met with outbursts of “John Actor” or “Monkfish” by my entire family (and, it seems, my fellow blogger Emlyn Jones ). Another of Day’s sketches that has lived long in the memory in the Hawks household was as The Cardinal in The Fast Show’s take on every Guy Ritchie film ever made: ‘It’s A Right Royal Cockney Barrel of Monkeys’. As well as providing us all with an opportunity to say “You muppet! You mug! You nonce!” or to suggest that people “’ad ‘alf of Tower ‘amlets up their ‘ooter” it also brilliantly lampooned the late 90s ...

Today Mat Jolin-Beech takes a look at a Premier League legend from across the pond who didn’t have the easiest of journeys to these shores. As we are all finding out in these post-Brexit days of British fish and blue passports sometimes paperwork leaves you tearing your hair out. At least that’s why I reckon the young man you see in the image below turned up on Merseyside looking very different once the correct boxes were ticked. Over to Mat.  We here at A Sticker’s Worth 500 Words love a keeper whether it is a plucky under study like Van Der Gouw or Frode Grodas , or those cult heroes who got to wear some wonderful late 80s/early 90s goalie shirts . They often have the joy of a much longer career than most other players. Whether this is down to being deemed to mature later into their position, or the relative lack of physical exertion, they often play on into their fifth decade . Edwin van der Sar; Dino Zoff and Gianluigi Buffon among that elite group. As is the subject of this b...

A week is a long time in politics. It’s an even longer time in football. Last month the sport was rocked by the announcement of an agreement between six English, three Italian and three Spanish clubs to form a European Super League. This was met with such widespread anger, derision and disgust that within three days all but famed spendthrift and man of the people Florentino Perez had sacked the whole thing off. Fans of the clubs involved felt betrayed by their owners’ avarice with protests ahead of supposedly super Manchester United’s clash with equally exceptional Liverpool postponing what could have been a thrilling 0-0 draw. The rest of us ‘legacy fans’ had all of our prejudices against the ‘big six’ well and truly confirmed. Perhaps most distressingly an enthusiastic football blogger was forced to completely rewrite his piece on the state of the beautiful game in Europe. I had originally started by eulogising about the Champions League anthem and its ability to spark emotions even...

Richard Allinson brings us so much more than a blog post on a solid Premier League right back today. Depending on your take on this you are about to experience either the greatest song writing achievement since our attempts to rhyme Tom Huddlestone with something or high quality primary evidence of the impact of a year of lockdowns. Over to Rich. Make sure you’ve got your lighter ready. Shearer you're all that I want;  ‘Cos I want to play five up top;  I really would love it;  If you joined us... Oh, thinking about your Southampton days;  You were a foil for Le Tissier ;  You scored goals home and away;  Oh, then you moved on to Blackburn;  And you formed the SAS ;  All the f***ing best:  Funded by Uncle Jack's war chest... SHEARER YOU'RE ALL THAT I WANT;  UP FRONT AT ST JAMES’ PARK;  DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE DEFENCE;  WE’VE GOT BARTON... AND WARREN IS ALL THAT WE NEED;  WHEN STEVE WATSON BOMBS UP TOP;  HISLOP WON'T BE...

Today Mat Jolin-Beech takes a look at a goalkeeping great with a very special relationship with a particular manager. Some times in the workplace it just clicks and it says a lot for the brilliance of Julian Speroni that today’s subject never ended up at Crystal Palace. That or maybe Jules was far less likely to go on a massive bender in Yorkshire. Over to Mat. Goalkeepers are a special breed. Not only are they willing to put themselves literally in harm’s way, just ask Petr Cech or Carlo Cudicini amongst others, but they know any mistake will cost their team a goal. Peter Enckelman anyone. On the upside, they can legally handle the ball, get to make top saves, to be the super goalie, and get to wear some rather natty shirts. Coventry City legend Steve Ogrizovic wore his fair share. Then there are those special breeds within the special breed. The genuine nutters who put fear into their colleagues. Think Jason Statham in Mean Machine, Oliver Kahn’s mad eyes staring at you for a slip...

Back in September Rich and I put together a collaborative post espousing the joys of supporting a team managed by Ian Holloway . While I can still appreciate the batshit brilliance of Crystal Palace’s march to play-off glory it’s fair to say that Rich’s experiences of having Ollie at the wheel didn’t have such a happy ending. Undeterred by the danger of submitting anything positive to print Emlyn Jones and I have teamed up to discuss the virtues of another former Crystal Palace manager who went on to have enormous success with Reading in the mid-noughties. I think it’s fair to say we are both of the belief that this man is the greatest football manager of all time. You might fire the likes of Bill Shankly, Brian Clough or Sir Alex Ferguson at us by means of riposte but only one of them won the Zenith Data Systems Cup which we all know is the real quiz. I don’t think any of them featured in Nigella Lawson’s erotic dreams either. Steve Coppell was widely regarded as one of England’s mo...

Today Mat Jolin-Beech takes a look at a Premier League icon and possibly football’s most acerbic pundit. Although Sky have done their best to soften his edges by sitting him next to the infectiously cheerful Micah Richards today’s subject only needs to see one defensive error or someone vaguely enjoying their day to revert to the fearsome ways that made him few friends and many enemies. Hopefully Micah can distract him with another FIFA video while he reads this otherwise we might be poking it up our bollocks. Over to Mat. Captain. Leader. Legend. Not John Terry. Although there is a lot I could say about him far worse than being in full kit to celebrate the Champions League win in 2012 when he didn’t play. So, let me rephrase. Captain. Leader. Madman. That is one Roy Maurice Keane. As a Manchester United fan who got into football in the early 90s, Keane was the hardman of football and the driving force behind Fergie’s winning machine. He single-handedly ensured standards were met and t...

Emlyn Jones takes a look today at a man who has become synonymous with all the financial issues with modern football. It’s easy to jump on your phone and slag footballers off for trousering vast sums of money but, as Emlyn notes, would you honestly turn down the offer of doing your current job for double the money elsewhere? On that note if there are any potential employers reading this I’d also like a house and car bonus and a relegation release clause. You’ll be pleased to hear that I’ll pass on the demands to be clapped out of my classroom on the last day of term after 26 minutes of Period 5. Over to Emlyn. A few years ago, I got into a long, circular conversation in an Exeter pub about loyalty in professional football. There are plenty of players who have spent their whole career at a club, and won plenty while doing it; Tony Adams, Ryan Giggs and Steven Gerrard all had great success without ever moving clubs. Others have seemingly had a new club every other week; Nicolas Anelka an...

You can learn a lot in the back of a cab. When my wife and I spent a few days in and around Liverpool we were given a far more informative tour of the city by the man who took us from the station to our hotel than the one provided by the official sightseeing company. We might not have seen where The Beatles did anything but we got the rundown on Everton’s proposed new stadium from the planning permission issues to the potential development it could create along the banks of the Mersey. This positivity was quite surprising as the driver was a Liverpool fan but I guess we all keep our enemies closer from time to time. Back in the early summer of 2010 my fellow blogger Mat and I found ourselves outside the New Cross Inn about half an hour after the last train had left and not necessarily in peak condition to walk back to my parents’ house. Thankfully the proximity of South East London’s premiere nightspot, The Venue, meant that there was a host of available minicabs and, for a far more re...